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| 08:38am 20/12/2004 |
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your just bad news |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| My first couple of hours being legal |
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| 03:40am 18/12/2004 |
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mood:  disappointed music: movielife
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i turned 18 yay an...i hung out with Dez,,Turtle an cass...yay.
turtle taught me how to drive a stick an damnit im so awesome
mwhahaa...i had a good night...but wait thats because im
leaving out the part where we got pulled over by the cops an two of us almost
had to go jail :X eck!!!
i havent written in this thing in forever weeeeeeeeeeeee
i love dez an right about now thats the only person<333
Dez" boys are shitty to us because its are karma coming back on us"
Me" No shit"
Your just a mistake ill get over it |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Sing me to sleep <333 |
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| 08:37am 01/06/2004 |
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okay this weekend was incredibly loong i didnt do a hell of a lot hung out with gene aj an jole face....cool people...until there ends up being drama for no reason what so ever...but its love i guess...
I'd type out my weekend but im way to tired for that an it would be way to long...
Im going to disneyland with my niki which will be awesome because well it just will be <333
i have so much going on in my head i dont know what to say...
im running off 2 1/2 hours of sleep so im dead right now.,..i guess i know not to stay on the phone til the early hours of the morning...being on the phone is weird when your basically anti phone but jole face sings me AFI and the used an even incubus so its all worth it i suppose...
i need sleep...
teddy is visiting me today...i feel oober special :) |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| Hershey Kristin.... |
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| 11:48am 28/05/2004 |
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All i do at school is read lyrics...thats my education...
"Smile for the camera sweet heart, I really want to immortalize this moment" but just remember the first step in forgetting is destroying all the evidence.
I thought you had me forever.
But I'm sure you thought the same about me.
Ever so sweet...
you make this seem
the way things go
its not my fault
and i'll miss
i'll miss you so good
through all of those nights
we lost our way back home
Alone at last
together in a photograph.
Our eyes are always open
devoted to perfection through silence.
I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can never be
the one person that won't ever forget me
yeah whatever <333 |
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| 09:37am 26/05/2004 |
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mood: crushed music: matchbook- promise
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<333 niki alejo made my day yesterday...not for any reason really just because haha we take photoshoots and get mad at dave for stealing my glasses that ive havent got to wear yet!! <333
Gene came over yesterday and he left me a hott finch shirt on my bed i love it :)
.............
I've been thinking about it alot but for some reason...yesterday i really thought about it...
dont ever put yourself in a situtation where you feel like your wasting feelings...it doesnt make you very happy...
i feel like im just holding on to something thats never going to be mine again, i still feel the way i felt the first time i met him and the worst part is...he probably doesnt even care...i remember every little conversation...every hug...every kiss...every time i felt good about myself because i made him smile... now i'll i know is how hard it is not to see him ...or kiss him or hug him or...make him smile which is stupid of me because i let myself think about this and it only leads to me pretending im happy to make my self feel better...ive let people in my life so i can try an feel something that feels empty ...
it makes u feel like shit when u feel a certain way about someone that doesnt feel the same way about you...
i know ive said it before...but i guess... i should really try this time...to let it go...because sitting here wishing we were together doesnt get me anywhere...
i should have listend when they told me he would break my heart |
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| 11:52am 25/05/2004 |
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I fill my head with your voice...
...And now I'm drowning
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| 08:59am 24/05/2004 |
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This weekend was sooooooo ...i dont know
Friday i didnt do alot....which is probably a good thing...teddy came to visit me on his break though which was....good...i missed him, sometimes u just need a little teddy in your life <3 :)
when juan got off me her an niki went to mels and i got water spilled ALLLLLL over me :( but its okay because it was just water :)
i dont remember what i did on saturday....nothing to exciting prolly
yesterday i did the hang out with my brother thing and then me an juan went to starbucks and hung out with gene and aj met francis and i met the incredible JOel lol hessssssssss a DORK... but in the best way possible...
my weekend...lacked... Niki...that little buttface <333
haha its okay because the more we dont do anything...the more partying we'll do in a couple weeks right haha :) |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| serve it |
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| 08:24am 21/05/2004 |
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...well yesterday i was confused i thought it was friday haha im so behind
...before i wake was awesome
..i was in and out of school yesterday barely went to first period left 5th period and came back to 6th just to turn around and leave again...
me an niki went to my house and watched cant buy me love... NIKI DO YOU LIKE LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIPS? NO?!! THEN WHY DONT U REACH OUT AN TOUCH SOMEONE :P
when niki decided to leave gene came ova and we watched the last samuari i loved it, it made me cry but i none the less loved it :( we had a cuddle threesome on the couch because..well damnit i need some love haha so after that we left an ran around for a while an decided we would feed our tummys so jalisco we went...
we went to go rent u got served and stuck on you...we went to hollywood...and gene made us go inside i thought he was goin to go smoke or something but when i looked out of the window i saw him talking to the homeless guy on the corner...2 minutes later he pulled out his wallet and i realized that some people just have the best hearts <333
Teddy i know u randomly read my journal...come visit me an give me some hugs damnit! <33 |
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| Heart attacks and kisses... |
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| 11:15am 20/05/2004 |
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....Okay so i finally think i have an idea about what i want to do with my life...i think i want to go to school in sac...be an R.N. ...
...
- i want to make someone smile...
- make someone nervous
- give someone a hug
- i want to sit on a couch an watch my favorite movies with someone i adore...
- i want to buy niki a house...so she has a home when she leaves me
- i want to gain 10 pounds?
- i want to go to New York...
- i want to move away... who wants to come with me? : /
* i want to...hug my friend and tell him ive missed his goofy faces, and his kisses?
maybe i want to much... |
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| for u my door is always open... |
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| 12:02am 19/05/2004 |
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* Today was my debate it was HORRIBLE lol but if you asked me if i cared id probably say no hehehe...
*LUNCH was GOOD really really good and only niki would understand why...hmm haha people really have a thing with getting my clothes dirty... i have a goal to accomplish before the end of school lol
* Me an niki came home an she took my clothes an ate my food DAMNIT NIKI HOW OFTEN ARE U GONNA DO THAT AFTER WE GRADUATE? NEVER :(
*Gene an Aj came over we watched peter pan well i watched like 20 mins of it an i passed out my nap was good except for where aj threw stuff at me an gene start molesting my face SICKO :p
* Then off to fairfield i went...me an juan visited Joshua i havent seen him in a bagillion years hes great woopie!...
im graduating...im scared.....
i still miss him....thats scary too....
i cant write anymore...
<333 |
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| 02:36pm 14/05/2004 |
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...when its not right...
...it makes it that much better... |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Just a Memory... |
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| 11:20am 12/05/2004 |
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Ive been feeling like shit for weeks now...so now i think im just gonna pretend like nothing hurts anymore...i dont care about anything anymore...at least im trying not to...
Niki asked me if i was still here...the truth is im really not....
The sadness comes when it's least expected
It shot out of the dark, and slammed in our face
The hurt it brings can't be stopped
The hurt it brings can't be cured,
Just when I thought things were alright
You came in and broke my heart
My stomach's full of butterflies
The thought of you gone, it tears me apart
I remember you and me when we used to
Laugh all night until we fell asleep, oh
And i know we're through
But i've still got thoughts of you left inside my head
Well... in my head...
The love that I have for you
Is done and dead, it's so far away
And you're still here in my head
And you're still here, you'll never leave my heart
So stop me now
Stop my thoughts cause you're killin me
But you don't know
Even though we've grown apart
I'll still be there for you
Cause I don't wanna be just a memory to you
.......... |
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| 08:36am 10/05/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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this weekend was actually good...
me an niki saw mean girls an then she made me an colin play sex!!!!!!!!! haha perv!!! im just kidding i love u alejo u sexxie son ofa biatch
saturday i was suppose to hang out with gene and aj but... i hung out wtih juanita an cassi we went to this amazing hill with this guy josh...it was the prettiest thing ever...then we went to vallejo for jayme's party I HATE BEEEEEEEEEEER ewwwwww but seeing jayme and will was good <333 after that i think i fell asleep a couple times i was so tired...cassi an me got into a argument because she wanted to go to elk grove? yeah but i didnt feel good...friends are great
haha...gene asked me out last night?? i dont know why we've hung out once hes a really good friend why mess that up ...but he is still going to take me on a date opppppppppie lol
IM GONNA DO JOE'S HAIR ON FRIDAY...ILL BE THINKING OF IDEAS ALL WEEK :)
****
I THINK IM STARTING TO MAKE MYSELF FORGET THAT I CANT HAVE HIM ANYMORE...IM GONNA GET OVER IT SOMEHOW JUST AS LONG AS ME AN HIM ARE FRIENDS THATS ALL THAT MATTERS RIGHT? YEAH I GUESS...IF ONLY OTHER GUYS MADE ME FEEL THE WAY HE DID IT WOULD BE SO EASY |
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| 08:29am 04/05/2004 |
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mood: crushed
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This week will be interesting....
But we'll see where it goes...
Saturday needs to hurry up and get here <333 |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| My weekend... |
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| 09:07am 03/05/2004 |
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last week was so retarded i was brarely in school...so it was like a week long vacation...
friday i hung out with teddy...which is always awesome,time goes by way to fast when your hanging out wtih someone you adore <33
then i hung out with my niki eeeeeee
i talk to josh on friday...and i made him mad...nothing new...but its only because i mess up all the time...and i guess you can say it hurts him...hes the only boy i go out of my way to talk to on the phone lol....even though he was mad at me and told me how impossible i am...and how im a player and i cant be committed to anything...(which i dont think is that true) he came over and yelled at me some more...while we sat and listened to mayer... <333 i love how he yells at me an reminds me of everything bad ive ever done to him an still tells me he loves me...:) ...we'll manage to be awesome friends one day...
i met gene and aj this weekend...actually meeting people you already talk to is always great :)
me an armando decided that our mission for saturday...is to currupt juanita....she needs to experience things every once in a while...and now she has a bf to do it with lol <33333333
so ive decided with josh behind my reasoning...that im gonna try and change...im not as good of a person as i think i am i guess...everytime i get into a deep conversation with someone...they end up telling me how ive hurt them...or what not...
im not impossible :(
im just...waiting for you ... |
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| im lonely when your next to me |
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| 02:22pm 29/04/2004 |
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this week has been totally pointless not going to school til 1 and sitting in a class for twenty minutes is so un called for...
ive been with niki running around doing retarded things because thats what we do..
today we went to breakfast with my best friend...Joe mani has the best gay voice in the world bleeeeeeeeeeh
went with niki to get her nails done for that prom thingy...
went to target...to visit teddy...hes beautiful... :/ i miss him... BUT ANYWAYS i fucked up so i have to deal with it..
i love mae
OK OK RANDOM BUT IN OUR SCHOOL NEWSPAPRER THERE IS A SAME SEX COUPLE THATS WEIRD...SEX ARTICLES AND ALL THIS MUMBLE JUMBLE THIS SCHOOL IS RETARDED
I started to ache when I started to think of you.
Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new.
There's only so much I can fake.
There's only so much that I can prove.
Well, do you get it in a minute, I could go play the fool for you.
Lights, camera, action, I think I'm going for it this time.
There's something you should listen to.
Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
I'll play it for you.
Oh no, I think I've lost this one.
Can we try again?
YDDET IS COOL |
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| the cure |
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| 12:31pm 20/04/2004 |
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haha so today i didnt go to school it was dentist day eeeeccky... but i decided i would take stupid dorky pics of me and juan on our way yaay...
FIRST WE SAT AT HOME AND TOOK RETARDED ONES
THEn when you in the car listening to the cure you just start clicking
and even though the sky is ugly and your not in the best mood you smile anyway...because the cure is telling you your going to be in love on friday lol yeah right but i smiled anyway
yeah an now my mouth is numb and its great
I LOVE NIKI ALEJO |
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| 10:00pm 18/04/2004 |
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mood: crushed
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... You cant kill me if im already dead...
i dont know how to update this shit anymore
my feelings are all over the place...
i guess i could say im sad...i am
but when you loose somthing that wasnt totally there you can
just hope that maybe someday you'll get a chance to make it work
i wish it could have worked
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you |
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| Wh*en he lef*t he did*nt le*ave* me..he *diss*apear*ed* |
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| 03:43pm 14/04/2004 |
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mood: confused
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mmm juanita says the meaniest shit sometimes...or she says what im afraid to think yeah either one...
ecckyness...i havent updated this crap in hella days an i dont have anything good to say...
niki left today....
juanita....an armando an doin there thing...
teddy.. came back yesterday.....
******************
theres alot i want to say to u...
but i dont know if i can anymore...
theres somthing different about the way you said hello
i dont know if im gonna make it through
all these lies are built up inside of my head
an im trying to figure out what to say
id leave u alone but i dont know how..
ur the only thing that gets my through my days |
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maybememories74's journal
anxious
